A painful story and personal story…

Not so long ago, my life was a mess. It doesn’t seem possible now, but it was…

I was in a relationship that had always been difficult and I’d spent 5 years of my life trying to make it work. I knew it wasn’t right, but I did it all the same.  How could a relationship where I felt belittled and dishonoured, bullied and criticized ever be right?

I tiptoed around my life, in permanent fear of doing something wrong, something that would invoke the “silent treatment”… the weeks on end of black looks and bad moods.  I was ignored, it was made plain to me that it was my fault, that I had no idea how to behave correctly…and that was to be punished.

On top of this, or maybe because of this, my life was a financial disaster.  I had burdened myself with two houses (that both resembled building sites) and two mortgages that I was solely responsible for.  What was I doing?

I was self-destructing on a massive scale…

I could tell you that now my life has transformed and I am happy, fulfilled, successful and totally blessed with loving relationships – and it’s true, but that’s not the point…

When I was surviving, when I was feeling small and worthless, criticized and bullied and just managing to keep my head above water it seemed impossible that my life could be any different.  I’d brought this upon me and I had to live with it.  I was obviously not a very nice person and everything I got, I deserved.

It took me some time and a lot of deep inner work to understand what was happening to me but when I did, it was like a dark rain cloud clearing to reveal the brilliant blue sky behind.  I had been right, I had brought this upon me, but the difference was, I now knew how to change it.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? 

The thing is there is always a choice… you can either bounce around from one experience to another, a victim of your situation and circumstances like I was, or choose to navigate your path, take control, understand the situations and circumstances that confront you… because that’s when you create what is really best for you.

It’s your choice.

Love to you all. X

Categories: Helen's story.

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